Sunday, October 16

A Little Bit Dark...

So, Dearest Blog. It has been a very long time. I have sort of neglected you. But I have sort of been neglecting myself as well. I have a pretty big "To Do" list going on and I am honestly feeling very overwhelmed. I have been pushing through everything in the apartment and I want to purge it of as many things as I can. It's a small space and some of these things just need to be let go. Then I have this grandeur plan of revamping it once THE PURGE is complete. I want colours in my place, and photos of my kids on the walls, maybe even a bookshelf for my books instead of the cardboard boxes they have been living in since I started my first round of college! Very lofty goals here.
Then poor Esmeralda. She needs a good bit of maintenance before winter gets here. She needs a big fixing in the rear suspension. And new tires. And an oil change, poor thing. I gave her a good washing and vacuuming the other day. I imagined my car acting like a cat into a bucket of water the entire time. She just seems like one to hate being groomed. Now she smells like the "Wild Cherry" carpet freshener they offer at the Bucky's Car Station. Refreshing compared to stale cigarette air and my kids' stinky gym clothes.
All these goals I am planning, I honestly just touched on the two most casual for conversation, are really stressing me out. But I want these things terribly so I keep them on the list. I cannot put it off any longer. It's stressful, and depressing, and makes me want to rip my hair out, but I am sure of myself in accomplishing these things. And I believe the reward will be worth it all.
Plus it costs a great deal of money to execute all of these things. So throw lots of overtime at work on top of this pile. LeSigh.
I feel so very uncreative right now. I feel like a cog in a system going nowhere in the giant picture of my existence. I know my life is a tiny blink of the overall picture of the universe. I accept that long after I die my children will grow and, hopefully, make a family of their own. There will be grandchildren and great grandchildren after me that I will never physically be by in life. I know these thoughts also seem a bit depressing and down but I sort of take it as a reason to make my short time here a bit more brilliant. I want to show my kids a life of love and promise. I want to show my clients at work the same and provide them with the best cares I can by furthering my own knowledge and competency. I may not be remembered one hundred years from now, but I would like to be in these people's memories for as long as I can burn bright. 
Where do I go from cleaning house to making a difference in the world? Lol, I guess I am a bit broody this week?
I took a small break to say "Hello!" but now I must be back to my tasks. And maybe a little Pokemon in between, he he. I have been trying to dominate Black for a while now. It would be pretty neat if I had a few online buddies to play with as well. I'll look into that later on. Hugs!